Author: sudeepshroff

How to outgrow Life’s repetitive problems

Thinking about a life without problems is an illusion. My personal and clients’ experiences have helped me get this insight.

In life, we may come across some problems that repetitively appear in our lives. We try to fix them, they disappear for a brief period and show their faces again later in life.

I tried to fight with these repetitive problems in my  life. I tried to fix them but some of them kept on coming. I also experienced that whenever I found myself on the way, speeding up, towards my goals; something would happen to derail me.

Is it a pattern within me that brings those difficult moments back into my life?

I have now grasped the meaning behind these repetitive painful experiences in my life.

Why is it so?

What are they?

How to deal with them?

How did I deal with them initially

Earlier I worked with my negative feelings and thoughts with cognitive and behavioral therapy approach. The feelings and thoughts which were disempowering, were my Automatic Negative Thoughts and resultant emotional experiences, I believed. I explained to myself that these ANTs and associated feelings are the results of my dysfunctional beliefs and paying them importance is strengthening my negative beliefs. So, I learned to ignore them. I just let them pass through my mind without attaching any judgment to them but acknowledging them as ANTs. Continue reading How to outgrow Life’s repetitive problems

Balancing- What you should be and What you are

(This is an unedited post. I have not done its spell and grammar check. It was high time that I did not continue with posting. Of course, I grew in other areas of my life during these days. I realized today that I have a commitment towards this blog and its few readers. So I decided to shoot the one directly from my heart.)

People have tendency to motivate themselves by feeling pain in their current life situations. This creates the impetus for them to move away from where they are right now. This is one way of going for your desires. We have been conditioned to think and act this way.

The focus in this way of living is to move towards what you should be, and constantly feeling unhappy about your current situations in life. This is generally a process occurring in your psyche outside your conscious awareness. There may not be an intention to deal with the life this way. But, this is the way it is for the most.

The critical aspect that is missing here is the acknowledgment what you are. You devalue your current self. You obsessively tend to focus towards something different and more attractive aspects of yourself that has not yet manifested in your present self.

The excessive and obsessive focus on What you should be than What you are! Continue reading Balancing- What you should be and What you are

Find and live your true-self

Life can be lived in two ways:

1. In the way our conditioned-self directs us to take on

2. We find our purpose and our true-self and design our lives based on the direction that we get after aligning with our true-selves.

The first way is the most natural (?) way of living for most of us. We live our lives based on the beliefs and assumptions that are programmed inside us by our family members, teachers and other environmental influences. We accept this learning without our conscious awareness. We learn this because we were taught to think and behave in specific ways and also by observing people around us living and thinking about life in their own ways.

The mind in our early lives was like a sponge. It absorbed what ever it was offered to. The more consistently and intensively something was offered, the more impact that left on our psyche. People who played critical role in our lives did not have any wrong intention, in most of the cases, to affect us negatively. Yet, they pass their negative (better word is: dis-empowering or maladaptive) life patterns to us without knowing the process happening.

Have you ever felt that you could be doing something different than what you are currently working with and spending your time and energy on?

Have you ever felt deep inside you the need to take a different path than what you are currently walking on?

Continue reading Find and live your true-self

Learning lessons of Life while learning a Guitar- part 2

It takes time

Making things happen in your reality takes time. Your thoughts attract towards you the  events and circumstances that are actual match to your desires. The universe is ready to help you fulfilling your wishes but you need to work on releasing the resistance that is stopping the reality to emerge.

If you know the right method the process is faster

I tried making the process of learning enjoyable and faster by getting involved with various tutorials and course online along with my teacher at home. Various people told about doing things in their own way. When I found the method that is working for me, the growth  was accelerated.  This does not mean what others said was false. It does mean that I am required to find the ways that work for me.

Work in small chunks

I have noticed that when someone is very much passionate about something, he works really hard and for long hours for making things happen. I have learned from my experience that whenever your brain needs to make changes, it is more useful to work in small chunks. Rather than pushing yourself very hard to get things done in a single session, it helps if you do things consistently in small chunks. That has worked for me in learning Guitar. I applied that to other areas of my life and it worked there also.

Observe others who are doing well but do not compare Continue reading Learning lessons of Life while learning a Guitar- part 2

Learning lessons of Life while learning a Guitar- part1

I did not know anything about Guitar before 8 months. My brain did not have any idea about what it is and how to get tuned with it. No learning!

Somehow, I don’t know what happened on that day but myself and my wife thought of learning Guitar. MY father was learning classical music from a teacher who used to come to our place and I happened to ask him about a Guitar teacher. He said he knew one and would send him to meet us. That’s it! A new chapter was added to our lives.

New experiences coming into my life

I noticed that new things have started happening in my life. I started noticing music around my life which initially I never observed. I started listening to the background music very closely in any TV advertisement and in any song I would listen to.

I realized that these things were there around me all the time, but I had never noticed them before. Now they have started becoming the part of my life.

I never looked at videos containing guitar training in YouTube and now I have channels subscribed in my account talking about Guitar.

Just by thinking and taking action in a new direction made lots of changes in my life.

The real contact with Guitar Continue reading Learning lessons of Life while learning a Guitar- part1

How to persist when Life takes its own time

It takes courage. It takes faith. It takes commitment to apply.

Time that tests your patience

It is the time when things are not in your control. You have worked hard and still Life is not turning the way you want it to. You may start doubting whether you really have control over things in your life or the events  happen randomly and you are there just to respond to  them!

This time fills your heart with feelings of disappointment, frustration and also hopelessness at times. You start wondering how much more life asks from me. Am I going to live my whole life this way? Struggling and working to find ways how to make it happen and never making it happen?!

You may even start doubting your worthiness to receive what you want in your life.

You are committed and ready to learn and apply whatever it takes but sometimes do not find any clue for it.

I am a believer of the philosophy that says that, the outside events in our lives are the results of what is going on inside us. This belief further reinforces the above mentioned feelings of despair for some; as you tend to blame yourself for things not going well in your life.

If all these resonate with your life situation any time, read on. I hope you shall find useful insights into this.

The actual problem can get masked
 Continue reading How to persist when Life takes its own time

How do you help those who do not want to be helped?

At first, it appears that what is the need to do so?

Le me explain to you by making my point clear.

I am talking about those people who are close to you, you see them in pain, you understand that thery are trapped in the pattern of destructive habits and are not aware about the same.

Some questions can arise at this moment…

How can you say that your conclusion is accurate that the person needs help? How can You say that you can help him or her?

Is there really a need to do so or let them find their own way?

Are you talking about advising those who do not want to take your advice?

I am talking about those people

who are independent in taking life’s most decisions and so are not used to take your help.

who believe that taking help is a weakness and so are not open to come out with their problems and continue to spend their lives in suffering and denying.

You want to help them because you love them! You are concerned about their pain and want to provide relief.

Yes, there is no intention to get name, fame or any benefit by helping them. You just want to help them because their benefit is your pleasure! Continue reading How do you help those who do not want to be helped?

Pareto’s Principle: 80/20 applied to Parenting

I have come across this principle when I read a blogpost by Yaro Starak on this subject. I might have heard about it before but did not have much influence on me.

Yaro is a strong believer and a real life applier of this principle.Another book that I am currently reading also mentions about it. It is by Timothy Ferris and titled as The 4-Hour Workweek.

I have now seen many articles on this subject and its application in the fields of Business, Productivity and Finance. I now notice the same working in my life too and I started learning to apply it to most of my activities. It does take efforts decondition yourself from old learning but yes if done, that is really useful.

What is this 80/20 stuff?

If you are unaware about this principle, have a short look below at its definition from Wikipedia. I won’t be describing it in detail here as I intend to write about my experience about it in parenting.

Taken from Wikipedia:

The Pareto principle (also known as the 80-20 rule, the law of the vital few, and the principle of factor sparsity) states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

 

It states in conclusion (very simple ofcourse!) that the 80% of our outcomes in any activity comes from 20% of our efforts. What has been very striking realization for me is that 80% of world’s wealth is controlld by 20% of people.

80/20 in parenting Continue reading Pareto’s Principle: 80/20 applied to Parenting

Your body language matters!

Can we change our state of mind, just by changing how we behave?

Have you ever noticed that your physical expressions convey the message to others more powerfully than your words?

Have you experienced that your eyes convey love more effectively than your mouth?

What we express physically in our comunication and relationships reflect what state of mind we are in. It is natural for us to do so. However, it is also true that if we change how we express ourselves physically, we can change our state of mind: Thoughts and Feelings!

It is easy to understand that our Thoughts determine our Feelings and Behviours; and also that our Feelings can decide what thoughts we are going to have and what actions we may take in response to our emotional state.

For example, if the content of my thought is empowering, I will have associated empowered feelings and will acto accordingly. Also, if I am already feeling upset because of some reason, I am going to have disempowering thoughs and will not act in an adaptive way.

Your Actions affect your Mindset Continue reading Your body language matters!

The Power Is With You!

 

Life gets unfair.

Things are not in my favour.

Peole are not helpful. People are after me.

The circumstances are not allowing myself to fulfill my desires.

These are the thoughts that go through our minds sometimes. For some, this may be a regular way of thinking.

How do we handle this?

The experience is not what happens to us but rather it is what we perceive as what is happening to us.

This is said by many in different ways. The conclusion is:

It is the perception not the events that creates our experiences.

We can learn to choose what we perceive. We need to train ourselves how we process what happens to us. And this applies to all areas of life.

Events don’t create feelings

It is not true that events by themselves create feelings and our behaviours. Yes, it is true that our state of mind determines our actions. But, the state of mind is the result of our perception of what is happening to us at a given moment.

How we process information is a habit Continue reading The Power Is With You!