How do you help those who do not want to be helped?

At first, it appears that what is the need to do so?

Le me explain to you by making my point clear.

I am talking about those people who are close to you, you see them in pain, you understand that thery are trapped in the pattern of destructive habits and are not aware about the same.

Some questions can arise at this moment…

How can you say that your conclusion is accurate that the person needs help? How can You say that you can help him or her?

Is there really a need to do so or let them find their own way?

Are you talking about advising those who do not want to take your advice?

I am talking about those people

who are independent in taking life’s most decisions and so are not used to take your help.

who believe that taking help is a weakness and so are not open to come out with their problems and continue to spend their lives in suffering and denying.

You want to help them because you love them! You are concerned about their pain and want to provide relief.

Yes, there is no intention to get name, fame or any benefit by helping them. You just want to help them because their benefit is your pleasure!

It may sound like I am talking about some unrealistic life situations.

Let’s look at some of them-

Consider a situation, where a father wants to help his son who is on a destructive path of addiction, but not ready to take any help from him.

I ask you to consider a relationship, where one person really cares and wants the other person to be happy, but the other one is stubbornly independent or does not accept the way the help is offered.

Think about the one, who has made up his mind to leave this world as he sees his life as hopeless and wortheless, and believes that no one can help him; and you know for sure that it is not true!

How can we handle this?

You need to reclaim the fact that –the Power is with You! I am asking you to consider the options that you can choose from, where the actions are in your control.

Prayer

Prayer has a power to offer insights and awareness not only for those who do prayers, but also for those for whom it is done. Praying with pure intentions to offer helpful insights and guidance to those who really need (in your opinion of course) is the action that is in your control. The other person can not deny your prayer. He may not find it intruding as it is done by you, away from him.

Showing care without intruding

Tell words with congruent feelings inside your heart that you care. Sometimes our anxiety about other person’s life situation is reflected back to him in our non-verbal expressions. This message conveyed make the other person more defensive and doubt our ability to help him or her.

Approach the other person with openess

It is required in this situation that you appraoch the other person with openness and listen to his or her undnderstanding of the problem-reasons, justifications, even blames and plans to manage. You may not find them useful or valid, but I think it is necessary in the begining for you to empathize with his or her current life situation, uncondionally.

I am sure that no one likes to stay with pain. The problem is their denial and non-readiness to gracefully accept the help offered. This defence can be handled effectively only if  the person’s life-situation is validated to a some extent to generate faith and trust in you.

Set an intention that the other perosn is managing his life effectively

Although this is very simple, sometimes it is difficult for us to set such an intention, as it is difficult for some of us to accept logically that the person whom we are trying to help can actually solve the problem by himself. But with some efforts you can visulize the person getting things done by himself.

Do you want that the other person should follow what you say and solve the issue he is struggling with only in a way you suggest to him?

I think if it is true for you, then you need to work with yourself first before going to offer help.

Make yourself availabe when he needs you

Interact with the person and talk about things other than his problem. Create a feeling inside him that you are available whenever he wants to ventilate his emotions or to share his issues.

In conclusion,

It is easy to leave the issue and not to bother when the other person is not ready to accept help from you. Yet, in life, you sometimes get into the phase where you can not bear the pain of others! Hope that resonates with some of you. This is the time when you need to  do something for things to move in a positive direction. I hope that this post can give some insights into that.

In creating a Resourceful Life,
Dr. Sudeep Shroff

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