Perfectionism is one of the many ways people sabotage manifestation of their desires.
People who have this attitude appear masters in the eyes of others but are always short of the outcomes in their own eyes.
These people continue to strive with the assumption that one day they will achieve the best. In reality this is the Never-Ending struggle.
This is a way of protecting the pain of Unworthy Schema. This schema is a deep-rooted belief that has been installed inside you since your early childhood. The person who holds this belief unconsciously believes that he is fundamentally unworthy and inadequate. The person grabs onto this belief structure due to his experiences with his or her parents, early care-givers and surrounding environment.
You are made to believe by your mind that you are on the Right path as you are working towards achieving perfection and one day you will achive your goals, but the process of goal-achievement does not work this way.
The other problem in this pattern is that You don’t look at those positive responses and feedback that other people give to you. You are programmed to work to achieve the highest possible level of outcome that your mind decides to have. The problem is that you fail to realize that the mind keeps on increasing the target as you achieve the previous one.
The people with this attitude are Real Hardworking People. I believe they are over-committed to their goal.
They are extremely sensitive about criticism and the slightest negative comment about their performance can reinforce their Unworthy Schema and they relentlessly continue to work with hope of achieving or creating The Best.
Not in much detail, but I have found that following tips shall help.
How to overcome this pattern of Perfectionism
Awareness that they are trapped in an unhealthy pattern of living. This is the beginning!.
You can’t take a different path, unless you become aware that the path you are on is not taking you towards your goal; instead it’s keeping you trapped in where you are.
a. Acceptance that this pattern had been with you for a very long period and that it is acquired atutomatically as a Defence Mechanism. It is a protection against the pain that they experienced many years ago. The pattern is spontaneous and will continue to keep them trapped untill they do something about it.
b. This pattern does not have anything to do with the actual worthiness of that person. Even the schema of Unworthiness for which the pattern is in place is no way a confirmation for one’s Unworthiness.
c. I am as Worhty as anyone else.
3. Strengthening the belief of worhiness
a. What are the evidences in my life that I am worthy?
b. In what way (however small it may be in your eyes) I have contributed in someone else’s life
c. What are my qualities that people appreciate (even though I don’t find them much worthy or valuable)
d. What values that I hold that are usually appreciated in world in genereal? (like honesty, love, selflesness, loyalty, truthfulness, trustworhiness etc.)
By asking these questions, you may start experiencing some empowering feelings for sure.
4. Experiencing the empowerd feeling to its fullest.
It is important here to integrate this feeling of worthinesses inside your experiences’ database. So start interacting with the feeling of empowerment and worthiness that you get after evaluating above mentioned questions. Living from that position may help you integrate the Worthy Belief to take roots inside your Mind.
5. Enhancing he feeling of worhyness by Visualization
Visulaize yourself doing things that you want to accomplish in your life. It is more useful to visualize in an associated form. That means seeing the picture through your eyes not you in your picture. Visualize that you are actually experiencing the feelings right now and here.
The scens that can be visualized include:
a. Confidently meeting people in a social gathering
b. Running your business succesfully
c. Having a happy relationship with your spouse and/or children
Anything and everything you want to achieve can be included in your visualization process.
In the scene that you visualize, you are doing things easilly. You work and interact smartly and efficiently. This way of behaving comes easily to you. People appreciate your good qualities. You take their compliments gracefully. You smile and acknowledge that you are contributing significantly to someone else’s life. You are happy with the way you do things in your life.
6. Using Affirmations to talk to yourself and keep the feelings of worthiness alive most of the day
Affirmations are the positive ways we talk with ourselves. They need to be short and simple statements. Your mind accepts them as the facts about you. The life then changes in your favor. You can have a look at my previous article on Affirmations and also watch a video there.
Let me tell you that whatever I have mentioned here has helped me overcome my Perfectionist Attitude. Now I focus more on expressing myself more creatively. I acknowledge that I have some limiting patterns, some difficulties to overcome but at the core “I am Worthy”.
Avoid working to fix yourself as there is no need. You are worthy at the core. Start expressing…
As always, if you find that this has helped you or can help someone, please share this post. It’s easy and rewarding too.
Dr. Sudeep Shroff