We get used to live in our habitual patterns. Solutions to our problems may be nearer, yet we don’t easily find them. We get so much used to our patterns that we do not see the answers around.
Let me give you an example that may make things clear to you.
I have been using the same laptop and its bag for last three years. The software inside are updated and both (the laptop and its bag) have become an integral part of my life. I carry them with me every day to my workplace and bring them back home in the evening.
It was on that day that I realized a pattern of mine which I was never aware about anytime before. I never opened my laptop bag to its full possible opened-state. What I mean by this can be easily understood if you look at the photographs below.
Even though the bag had a capacity (or facility) to open fully, I never opened it beyond its half-opened state. I continued dealing with it the same old way which I initially learned to open it. The level up to which I opened habitually was enough for me to take the laptop out of it, but opening it up fully could have always helped me when I wanted to take small things (like: headphones, wireless mouse etc.) out of it. Yet, without being aware of its potential to open up fully, I continued handling it in the way I initially learned (i.e.: opening up just enough to take my laptop out).
This did not make much difference to my life. So, I remained in the pattern until one day I lost my USB flash drive. It is very small, and I searched for it everywhere (including inside my laptop bag- with its half-opened state), but could not find it.
I was quite upset as it had important information stored inside it for which I did not have any back up.
After few days of anxious search for it, I was exhausted and was resting in my bedroom on that Sunday afternoon. Something inside me made me look again inside my laptop bag. This time I was intuitively made aware about the fact that the bag could be opened up more than I was conditioned to open it and look for the things inside it.
This time I opened it fully! To its full potential. Then I could see everything inside my bag very clearly. Rather than searching in my habitual way (a blind search with my hands inserted into the half-opened state of my bag), I could see more inside my same bag.
My USB flash drive was lying deep inside me and waiting for me to grab it! I had searched it there many time before but could not see it until I acted differently beyond my conditioning!
This experience made me aware about an important aspect of life.
We are conditioned to open ourselves to only limited possibilities. We may not be aware about the fact that we are more than what we habitually do. We are more than we habitually think and know.
Efforts required to solve our life-problems are not always need to be dramitc. Instead, they are just a step ahead as it was the case with me in my experience shared with you here.
This has changed me from within. If I am not getting the result I want from any activity or project I am doing, I do not blindly keep working hard in the same old pattern. Instead, now I take a break. Soon I am shown a new way of dealing with the same work. This time it’s just a step up from my conditioned way of doing things. This changes the output I create.
I have learned to be aware that the potential to create what I desire is already there. It may be the case that I am not using it fully!
Lots of smile…
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Going Beyond Condtioning
This is known to all that you feel comfortable in presence of some people, and get edgy when some other people are around. There must be something coming from the people we encounter that might be affecting the way we feel. Or it is just the way we process the people and events around us that make us feel so! What do you believe?
There are many ways by which this phenomenon is explained by different schools of psychology.
Have you heard of having a Real Energy Field around you?
We all carry with ourselves our own unique Energy Field. This field reflects what’s going on inside us. Our thought content, thinking patterns and emotional state contribute in creating this energy field. This field not only affects the way we relate with the world around us and our body, it affects the actual world and people around us!
Initially, this concept did not resonate well with me. Thinking from the Newtonian Mechanics Perspective, I found this concept to be very non-scientific and irrational! Now I believe that it is the most scientific thing we can talk about.
If you have even the little bit of understanding of Quantum Mechanics (Yes, I am not the master of it and will never be. Currently I am scratching just the surface of it), you will agree with me that at the core, we are all energy beings. And if this is understood by you, then buying into the concept that the frequency at which you vibrate can surely affect the world and people around you, won’t be that difficult.
I am talking about these concepts here in this blog post, because I have realized that harnessing these concepts can help us a lot in living a resourceful life. Like many psychotherapeutic concepts, using the understanding of Energy Psychology is essential for creating the life of our desires.
My understanding in this area started improving since I came across an Energy Psychiatrist- Judith Orloff, MD. I don’t remember at present how I got involved in this area, but let me tell you that in the beginning when I was not ready to accept these ideas, the talks of Judith Orloff did not make much sense to me (as I said in my previous post for Caroline Myss). I might have come across her talks many times before and ignored and continued to work and live based on my traditional psychiatric training. But as soon as I became ready to take a leap in my personal development journey, all her concepts started making the perfect sense for me to fill the gaps in mylearning.
I have started learning that how I unknowingly absorb the energy of other people and get stuck. I have understood that I have been taking in the energy of other people without my conscious awareness, and this pattern of mine kept me feel overwhelmed and exhausted.
The people we come across in our life carry with them their own energy fields. Unknowingly they have learned to vibrate at particular frequency and remain dependent on other people’s energy field too, to feed their own energy needs. There is no fault of anyone in most of the encounters (as the process may be quite unconscious), but if you are not aware about this process going on between you and other people, you cannot take good care of your emotional self. Unknowingly you get trapped, feel exhausted and overwhelmed and do not find any clue for how this must be happening.
The other side of the story is that you also affect the energy field of the people around you. And if you are not aware about this fact, unknowingly you may also be taking advantage of other people’s energy, and affecting them negatively even if you don’t want to do that. And these people include your loved ones, friends, co-workers and anyone else with whom you come in contact in your daily life.
The more I learn about these concepts, the better I am becoming at dealing with people around me. I have now learned to be conscious of what I am absorbing, and also what I am emitting. I take care of myself and also of people around me.
I have learned to move away from the situation ,when I realize that my energy patterns are not resourceful and may impact negatively to my loved ones and other people around. I am also learning to connect with the people whose energy patterns can nurture me and help me grow.
This understanding has helped me even protect myself from getting lost. This is because now I can perceive when I am getting trapped in the energy patterns of others.
Hope this shall help you too.
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Conscious About My Energy Field
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One of the critical concepts in Personal Development is to be aware about the fact, that you may be exposed to various resources in your life at different times, but it is possible that you may not be ready for the same at that time! This means that you will come across various tools that can take your life to a higher level, but you may not recognize or see the value inside them, until you are ready for it.
The universe is full of information and energy. Actually, it is nothing but Information and Energy! Whatever you are looking for or want to have in your life, already exists. Either someone has manifested it already or it exists in the pure potential form. You are not required to hunt for it. It just exists. The only thing required is to get ready for it!
When it is in the pure potential form, it means that the possibility of its manifestation is already there, but not yet realized! When someone like you taps into that possibility it becomes the reality in the physical world.
Whatever you need for your personal growth and development, already exists! Either manifested or in the pure potential form!
With this fact said, it is also important to keep in mind that in your life you may come across various people, events, tools and other resources that you can use to enhance your life. They are the tools that you need to use to reach to a new level of awareness. Yet, it is possible that,
You may not realize their usefulness and value until you are ready for them!
Yes, this is true in my opinion, and I have experienced it many times.
When I was in the early phase of my personal development journey, I was very much focused on the Newtonian Mechanics Perspective.
(To know more about it, see my article: What Do I Know About Newtonian Mechanics Vs Quantum Mechanics Perspectives?)
During those days, I explored various psychotherapeutic methods and self-help techniques for me and my clients, that would logically make sense to me. If they resonated with my logical and scientific (!) viewpoints of that time, I would accept them and discard the rest.
During that time, I also came across self-help and healing methods that would stem from the Quantum Mechanics Perspective. As I had not explored that area anytime before, I discarded those methods as non-scientific and not effective without getting into and making efforts to know them. The reason that I now believe for it is: I was not ready for them!
Let me tell you that I came across Caroline Myss‘s works few years back. At that time, I was exploring traditional psychotherapeutic methods to bring change in a person. I was in Dr Wayne Dyer‘s books and his work, and found that there was a book or a talk of Dr Wayne Dyer with Caroline Myss. Although, I enjoyed and was absorbing the content of Dr Wayne Dyer easily, and they were somehow resonating with me, I could not relate well with what Caroline Myss had to say.
Her books, talks and webpages kept on coming into my way but I kept on ignoring them or considered them as not-of-my-interest. It was because I was not ready then.
Now a days, I explore energy medicine and energy psychology in a great depth. The works of Caroline Myss and the people like her now make more sense to me. The more I explore this material, the more clarity comes to me. I feel that, now I am ready to absorb this stuff. I have grown to a new level and so now this material makes sense to me. I highly appreciate Caroline Myss, Judith Orloff, Richard Gerber and many other who are involved in the energy perspectives of personal development and healing.
The lesson I have learned
The lesson that I have learned from this experiences of mine are important to share with you. I have surely gained new awareness by diving into this field of Energy Dynamics and Healing, but I have also gained a critical concept of Personal Development and that I can summarize as:
During your journey called LIFE, you will be exposed to the events, people and resources which may not make sense to you at that time. You may find them useless or hocus pocus. But, believe me, if you continue to grow and develop on your path to find your true self and learn to manifest at your full potential, those stuff may come back again into your life.
This time, they will make complete sense to you. You will then realize that their presence in your life has taken you to a new level of understanding and awareness. This will happen only IF YOU ARE READY for it! The tools that you need to grow already exists in the universe. What you need is to get ready to let them make a difference for you.
How It has Changed Me
Now a days, I bookmark and save those stuff that some how come into my awareness, but does not make sense to me at that time. I consider them as messages from the Source to help me in my journey called LIFE.
If I am not ready, these material would not make sense to me. That’s OK for me. I may not strain myself and analyze to find out whether they are valid and relevant information or not. I may not discard them completely and label them as useless.
I will just bookmark or save them and thank the universe for bringing them into my awareness. I affirm to myself that whenever I am ready, I will go back to them (or they will come back to me!) and use them for the benefit of me and other people.
That’s it for this post!
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
During my journey of personal development, I have gone through various stages of learning. At every stage, I had exposure to different kind of information (self-help or psychotherapeutic material), and unique insights and awareness continued to develop inside me as I explored them.
The reality at smaller scales of existence
One of the concepts that you may come across, when you dive deeper into understanding how the universe works, and what is your role here on this planet during this lifetime, is the concept of Quantum Mechanics. It is the reality at a very smaller scale of existence (atoms and subatomic particles). We all are made up of atoms, so finally the concept applies to us as individuals too.
We are all familiar with the way the Universe is organized and how it works. For most of us, the understanding stems from our school education, and mostly it originates in the Newtonian Mechanics Perspective of how everything around us is structured. It is also called Classical Physics Perspective.
I am not a physicist. I had my learning more in biology as I chose medical profession as my primary career. I am sharing with you my understanding and perspectives. It has helped me a lot, and I know that it shall help you too in your journey on this planet (Want to dive deeper into the technical aspects of this subject… here is the Wikipedia Link).
How we understand the world around us affects the way we look at the life in general
Our worldview and therefore most of our philosophy of life is based on some fundamental concepts that emerge from the way we have understood about the world around and inside us. We may not be consciously aware about it, but for sure we have learned to understand and form concepts about how the universe works.
This understanding gives us the perspectives (our individual filters) through which we make sense of the people, events and circumstances of our lives.
What does the Newtonian Mechanics Perspective tell us?
- As per the Newtonian Mechanics Perspective, everything is predictable. If you know about the parts, you can know about the Whole!
- Logic and mathematics can explain everything. If you have understood how the most basic processes in the universe works, you can make prediction about the bigger events.
- The world is made of matter and the forces acting on them. The matter can be divided into smaller particles up to the level of atoms and subatomic particles. All the particles and the matter made up of those particles (from very small to the largest celestial bodies) follow the same classical physics’ laws.
- The reality is what you can perceive, or manage to perceive through your five sensory channels. If anything is beyond this level of perception, it does not simply exist!
What is the Quantum Mechanics Perspective?
- As per the Quantum Mechanics Perspective, at the core, everything is nothing but energy. The experiments in the field of Quantum Mechanics has revealed that the electrons orbiting around a nucleus of an atom can exist simultaneously as a possible particle or an energy wave packet.
- There is no fixed path which electrons take around a nucleus. Instead, they exist as ‘Electron Clouds’ around a nucleus in various orbitals and shells
- Any single electron can exist simultaneously at more than one places! This is really bizarre and difficult to accept when you are exposed to this information for the first time (Read further and it shall help you more!)
- Everything exists in the form of pure potential or possibilities. The observation collapses the possibilities into a reality. So, there is no reality if there is no observation. Everything exists because we observe.
- An electron can jump from one energy level (orbital, shell) to an another energy level, without actually moving through the space inbetween. It just changes its energy state. No logical, gradual progression through the space in between!
- We are all energy beings. So not only the laws of matter (particles to be very specific), but the laws of waves also apply to us. Our existence does not only have physical shape and space occupancy that we all are familiar with, but we all have our own frequencies at which we vibrate. We all have our Energy Existence too. We can go to an extent and say that the Energy Existence is the primary existence, although we may not perceive it routinely.
- We are all connected at the core. You and me both exist and vibrate in the same energy field. Our frequencies may be different, and so we have different experiences, but the core of both of us (and actually all of us) is the same.
- You exist both as particles and energy. So the laws of particles and waves, both are applicable to you. Surprisingly at the core there is no matter, only energy or pure possibilities!
This is what I have understood about these concepts. I am still exploring more, learning and integrating new information as well as experiencing them in my life.
How do you feel when you have known these facts?
Are you just discarding them as they may not easily fit into your existing world-view?
Do you feel overwhelmed when you have read these facts? Were you already aware about this information? If yes, have you experienced any change in your life after knowing them?
Do share your thoughts below in the comments section. Share the post with your loved ones, friends or anyone you know can benefit or can contribute to this material.
God bless you.
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Acknowledging my Energy Existence
Difficulties are opportunities to better things; they are stepping-stones to greater experience. Perhaps someday you will be thankful for some temporary failure in a particular direction. When one door closes, another always opens. (Source: Unknown. Tell me if you know.)
If you have read my previous posts, one theme should easily be seen all over various articles I have written. This is the common theme that goes on inside my head all the time, when I think or write about any personal development article.
This is where I think everything finally comes down to, when it is about any affair related to personal development. We are born with the ability to grow and develop naturally provided we are not conditioned to act otherwise.
I understand now that-
You are required to get conditioned in a specific way, so that you come across specific people and life circumstances in your life, so you grow later on in a specific way and fulfill your purpose of life; if you are conscious about the process.
This is profound if you pay attention to what I am saying here.
I have written at many places in this blog about how our conditioning creates obstacles in our process of growing and developing. I have said before at other places that we are naturally born with an ability to grow and develop provided we are not blocked by our conditioning.
Said this before, one question goes on inside my head, why then conditioning happens in the first place! It happens to all and no one is spared. It is different for different people. Unique for every individual and so, every one of us has unique obstacles to overcome.
This then triggered an insight in me that there has to be a purpose for us getting conditioned in a specific way. Yes, there has to be a divine reason for us getting conditioned and have unique obstacles in our lives.
Problems Are Necessary Components of Our Growth Process
Looking at what I had in my life as difficulties and comparing them with what has happened to many of my clients, family members and relatives, I am now convinced to believe that we all have our own share of conditioning and difficulties. And, they are unique for every one of us. They are necessary components for our growth process to start with in the first place and what direction it takes later on.
We are all required to have specific conditioning in this lifetime, so that we are then exposed to specific difficulties. These difficulties trigger inside us the very unique growth process we are required to have for our soul to mature in this lifetime.
This makes a complete sense to me now, and it makes me more prepared to welcome any difficulty that comes into my life as an opportunity for my growth process to take a new direction and for its acceleration.
Actually, the seeds for this insight took its place inside me, when I was faced with a client of mine, a little girl who lost her parents in a single accident. The girl asked me why it had happened to her. For what she was punished by God and why she had to face such a difficulty in her life when she had never done anything wrong in her lifetime. She could not make sense of why the God who was there to take care of kids could ever give such problems to them.
Some of the difficulties come suddenly and they shock the ongoing way of living. Some problems emerge gradually as we continue to live based on our conditioning. Both types of difficulties are required life events or circumstances which trigger a growth process inside us.
Two Different Paths You Can Go On
People can go on two different paths when they are faced with the difficulties which come on their own ways.
Some start blaming their fate and feel victimized. They suffer and continue to live feeling helpless and paralyzed by the problems. They compare their problems with others and look for the people who are happier than themselves. They continue to believe that they are the ones who are the most affected ones.
Other people accept the problems as opportunities and look for the Empowering Insight from the experiences they are exposed to. Looking for the insights that can empower me in my negative or difficult life experiences was not easy. I was also trapped in a ‘victimized state‘ for a long, until I came to understand the purpose of those difficulties as talked earlier in this post. This realization changed me.
- Welcome the difficulties that come into your life with gratitude,
- Look for the hidden meaning and purpose for them to enter into your life,
- Seek for the assistance if required,
- Take necessary steps to deal with those difficulties,
- Remain open for new Empowering Insights to emerge in this whole process,
- At the end you will feel that you have reached a higher level of living (of course, more resourceful way of living!)
That’s it for this post.
As always, share if you have liked. Leave your comments and help others learn from you.
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Feeling grateful about the problems in my life
The journey of personal development is unique for every individual. We all grow and develop at our own pace. The triggers for periods of accelerated growth in our lives are also unique for everyone of us. For many, this process is unconscious; only few are consciously aware about their development.
Developing Consciously has many advantages.
You are aware about what’s going on with you. You can relate with what has triggered the process and what has catalyzed it. You are aware about where you were and now where you are heading towards. Your learning that you gained in the process of Conscious Development can be applied to help others find their own ways in their lives
How can you grow and develop consciously?
Growth and development are inevitable processes whether you are consciously aware about it or it’s just happening to you. That is for which you are incarnate in this self! Your spirit is always seeking experiences that can help you learn new lessons, form new perspectives and manifest at newer levels.
Those who find that life is boring need to check with themselves at what pace and in what direction the change is happening with them. Life can be frustrating or exciting, but not boring, if you are constantly experiencing change! For those who flow with the process of change, it’s exciting. And for those who resist the change, it becomes frustrating.
There is no better way to live life than to flow with the process of change and remaining consciously aware about it. You are incarnated into this physical self with a spiritual purpose. Your spirit already knows what it is supposed to learn, unless you block the process by evaluating life with your ego-driven self. The perspective that you get from your ego-driven self are limited. You get to explore only the limited physical reality with it. The spirit knows the meaning behind your problems and celebrations. If allowed, you are naturally inclined to learn from your experiences; either negative or positive.
You are conditioned to resist and evaluate, while your natural tendency is to surrender!
You are conditioned to reason and doubt while your natural tendency is to experience!
Of course, you cannot remain bound to your conditioning, if you really want to consciously develop and live the life to your full potential. You just need to transcend the obstacles that your conditioned-self brings in your way.
There is no need to conclude here that your conditioned mind is your enemy and you need to fight with it for your conscious growth to take place. Conditioned mind’s primary job is to protect you (not only from physical harm, but also from psychological pain). It seeks for security and stability. It wants you to be free from any harm. But like any over-protective parent, it unknowingly obstructs the growth and learning that your spirit needs to have to manifest at a higher level of functioning.
The strategy here is not to fight with the conditioned mind, but to acknowledge its motive and thank it for working in your good faith. At the same time you also need to acknowledge that although the motive of your conditioned mind is in your favor, you are required to go beyond it to experience your full potential.
Are you afraid to surrender?
This is obvious as you are conditioned to seek for security and stability. Surrendering brings into you the fear of losing control. When you surrender, you tend to feel that the life is going out of control. This is perceived as a dangerous move by your conditioned mind. It resists this move.
To transcend this fear and resistance you need to install inside you a fundamental belief that there is a power beyond this physical self and the world created by people. The power that brings into this world ‘The Life’ and all lives finally go back to that power. When this belief is installed and you feel that way in every part of yourself, surrendering becomes easier. You surrender yourself to the higher power and resistance melts. You flow and grow with conscious awareness.
Following your intuitions
One very important aspect of growing consciously is to be aware about the guidance you receive from the higher power. When you are operating from the position of the conditioned mind, you tend to ignore this guidance. Sometimes you may not realize that the life is giving you subtle messages to choose the right path and tool in your journey of conscious growth.
Intuitions are the feelings that you get spontaneously. You feel that there is a subtle guidance system inside you that tells you what your next step should or should not be. Getting in tune with this guidance system helps tremendously in the process of change.
Ingredients for Growing Consciously
I have realized that there are some critical ingredients for developing consciously and enjoying every moment of this life. They are:
- Faith in the power higher than yourself
- Surrender to the power higher than you and stop resisting or fighting
- Flowing with the process of change
- Following your intuitions
- Finding meaning behind difficult experiences and shifting your paradigms
- Creatively expressing at every stage of your development. Do not wait for something to get fixed inside you. Start expressing, and you shall become aware about the process of change consciously unfolding inside you.
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
We are given our identity by the people around us since we are born. We are identified by our parents, place of birth, the culture we are born in and by our physical appearance. The questions that I always ask to myself are:
who was Ibefore I received this identity?
How was I identified then?
Did I really have some some identity before this?
Did I really exist before this?
Thniking becomes more metaphysical when you dive into this kind of exploration. For some, it may be anxiety provoking. Yes, it is, because you dive into the pool of uncertainty! People tend to avoid it due to the fear of getting lost.
I intend to make things simple here. I have written before about it in my post- Find And Live Your True-self. I am sure that this post shall bring some more clarity to this.
The person whom I admire much, Dr. Wayne Dyer says things in an easy to understand way in this matter. He tells that,
the problem starts when we over-identify with our Ego-self (the self that we learn to be ourself since we are born) and forget about our True Nature.
He asks us to think about how gracefully we were taken care of when we were inside our mothers’ womb. We get into the ‘form’ from ‘non-form’ and grows at the speed and on the path designed by some mysterious power. We just surrender ourselves to the process and let it happen. We stop surrendering when we grow up!
The medical science is also fascinated by the process of our intra-uterine journey- the time from conception to birth! At a precise moment we come into ‘being‘ and then live on this planet for decades.
who am I in the first place?
When I attend funerals, certain thoughts always cross my mind. I wonder that the person whom I knew is still in front of me in his or her physical reality. But, something is missing! He is there but also not there! I have gradually learned to believe that our true reality is beyond this physical existence. Because when someone dies, his physical existence is still in front of us before he is cremated, the self of him or her to which we related with is not there.
What will happen if I connect with my non-physical identity in this life before I die?
What will happen if I live my life from that position?
Will I still be able to live?
Will I be able to remain ‘sane’?
I was very skeptical about exploring this area of life, few years back. My traditional training in psychiatry did not provide me any clue into this. On the contrary, my learning prevented me from exploring this aspect of our existence.
One day, when I was interacting with my son, I was struck with a realization that when we were small we did have connection with our non-physical existence. I have talked about this in my previous post-I am amazed at his readiness. My son told me with surety, at his very early age that he was not his body but his mind! Aha!
We lose our connection to our non-physical self (which I believe is our true-self) due to the conditioning we get during our developmental years. The problems we suffer from in this life stem from our limited perceptions from the position of this physical existence.
When we start living from our our true nature, there are no problems, but only challenges and opportunities! Every difficulty that we encounter on our journey on this planet is an opportunity to grow. It is because our true-self is immortal! Yes, this is too much meta-physical stuff I am talking about. But believe me, since I grasped onto this, my fears disappeared. I do feel pain but don’t fear exploring. I do have frustrations but I always regain my power back after sometime, and get moving forward. Thanks to the belief that I have installed into my awareness, as an outcome of my learning about life. And the belief is -
I am beyond my body. I am a spiritual being having a human experience not the opposite!
I now realize when I am connected with the True-self of mine and when I am living from the limited perceptions of my physical existence. Knowing this difference helps me shift my consciousness and start flowing with life again.
You are living your True-self when
- You feel that you are acting from the position of Unconditional Love
- You feel that you have courage to act in spite of the fear around
- You move forward following your intuition
- You realize that you are enjoying everything around you
- You acknowledge that everyone is on a journey of growth and at the core of our existence everyone is divinely complete (including you)
- You acknowledge the problems in your life as opportunities to expand your awareness and shift your paradigms
- When you get involved in creative activities and enjoy every moment of time lived in it
This list is not exhaustive. Share your experiences in the comments section below and add your wisdom to this post. Share it with others and let other add their insights too.
Wishing you a Life full of abundance and creative expression,
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Living my True-self
Perfectionism is one of the many ways people sabotage manifestation of their desires.
People who have this attitude appear masters in the eyes of others but are always short of the outcomes in their own eyes.
These people continue to strive with the assumption that one day they will achieve the best. In reality this is the Never-Ending struggle.
This is a way of protecting the pain of Unworthy Schema. This schema is a deep-rooted belief that has been installed inside you since your early childhood. The person who holds this belief unconsciously believes that he is fundamentally unworthy and inadequate. The person grabs onto this belief structure due to his experiences with his or her parents, early care-givers and surrounding environment.
You are made to believe by your mind that you are on the Right path as you are working towards achieving perfection and one day you will achive your goals, but the process of goal-achievement does not work this way.
The other problem in this pattern is that You don’t look at those positive responses and feedback that other people give to you. You are programmed to work to achieve the highest possible level of outcome that your mind decides to have. The problem is that you fail to realize that the mind keeps on increasing the target as you achieve the previous one.
The people with this attitude are Real Hardworking People. I believe they are over-committed to their goal.
They are extremely sensitive about criticism and the slightest negative comment about their performance can reinforce their Unworthy Schema and they relentlessly continue to work with hope of achieving or creating The Best.
Not in much detail, but I have found that following tips shall help.
How to overcome this pattern of Perfectionism
Awareness that they are trapped in an unhealthy pattern of living. This is the beginning!.
You can’t take a different path, unless you become aware that the path you are on is not taking you towards your goal; instead it’s keeping you trapped in where you are.
a. Acceptance that this pattern had been with you for a very long period and that it is acquired atutomatically as a Defence Mechanism. It is a protection against the pain that they experienced many years ago. The pattern is spontaneous and will continue to keep them trapped untill they do something about it.
b. This pattern does not have anything to do with the actual worthiness of that person. Even the schema of Unworthiness for which the pattern is in place is no way a confirmation for one’s Unworthiness.
c. I am as Worhty as anyone else.
3. Strengthening the belief of worhiness
a. What are the evidences in my life that I am worthy?
b. In what way (however small it may be in your eyes) I have contributed in someone else’s life
c. What are my qualities that people appreciate (even though I don’t find them much worthy or valuable)
d. What values that I hold that are usually appreciated in world in genereal? (like honesty, love, selflesness, loyalty, truthfulness, trustworhiness etc.)
By asking these questions, you may start experiencing some empowering feelings for sure.
4. Experiencing the empowerd feeling to its fullest.
It is important here to integrate this feeling of worthinesses inside your experiences’ database. So start interacting with the feeling of empowerment and worthiness that you get after evaluating above mentioned questions. Living from that position may help you integrate the Worthy Belief to take roots inside your Mind.
5. Enhancing he feeling of worhyness by Visualization
Visulaize yourself doing things that you want to accomplish in your life. It is more useful to visualize in an associated form. That means seeing the picture through your eyes not you in your picture. Visualize that you are actually experiencing the feelings right now and here.
The scens that can be visualized include:
a. Confidently meeting people in a social gathering
b. Running your business succesfully
c. Having a happy relationship with your spouse and/or children
Anything and everything you want to achieve can be included in your visualization process.
In the scene that you visualize, you are doing things easilly. You work and interact smartly and efficiently. This way of behaving comes easily to you. People appreciate your good qualities. You take their compliments gracefully. You smile and acknowledge that you are contributing significantly to someone else’s life. You are happy with the way you do things in your life.
6. Using Affirmations to talk to yourself and keep the feelings of worthiness alive most of the day
Affirmations are the positive ways we talk with ourselves. They need to be short and simple statements. Your mind accepts them as the facts about you. The life then changes in your favor. You can have a look at my previous article on Affirmations and also watch a video there.
Let me tell you that whatever I have mentioned here has helped me overcome my Perfectionist Attitude. Now I focus more on expressing myself more creatively. I acknowledge that I have some limiting patterns, some difficulties to overcome but at the core “I am Worthy”.
Avoid working to fix yourself as there is no need. You are worthy at the core. Start expressing…
As always, if you find that this has helped you or can help someone, please share this post. It’s easy and rewarding too.
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Let me begin by asking you few questions. Pay attention to what your heart says about them. Be honest and then explore further.
Are you trapped in the Blaming Habit?
How do you react when things don’t go in the way you want them to?
Do you take responsibility and be accountable for your action steps?
What do you do when someone finds a fault with you?
What reasons do you have for your life not going in the way you want it to?
You may know that you are not living your full potential!
Life does not always go as we want it to. We all know that. You may not always be happy with the events and circumstances of your life. You may sometimes feel that you are not living your full potential.
You realize that you can express yourself in a more creative way but are not doing so. You know that the life you desire is not what you are currently living. You know you are capable of more but not taking that self of yours out.
It is very easy to blame others
For many, during this time, blaming others and their life circumstances for not having the type life they want is a habitual response.
It may be very explicit for some and they talk about people, circumstances and events obstructing their creative expressions. They have identifiable targets for blaming.
For others, it may be an internal way of pacifying one’s own self. They don’t explicitly blame others but have learned to find reasons outside of their control to be the cause of their life’s challenges.
Blaming is easier than being responsible and accountable.
Blaming is giving away your power
When we blame others for things not working in our life, we give power to the people and circumstances outside us. We affirm to ourselves that our life is governed by other people’s actions and circumstances outside us. We give The Power away.
We have a choice
I agree that the things happening outside our own selves do have some influence on us. They do affect our thinking, feelings and actions. But, we have a choice here. We can choose to continue with the same pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving or we can break the pattern as soon as we realize and then choose the path we really want to walk on.
It’s a habitual response and helps temporarily!
Blaming is a habit. It temporarily takes the burden off of difficult emotions. But, this is only temporary! We feel better when we don’t feel responsible and accountable for things not working in our life. In the long run, this habit prevents you from creating the change you desire. You get involved in the same old way of living life and don’t see the changes required on your part to live your life to your full potential.
Why do you do that?
Being around people who have this habit can make you learn similar ways of responding to life’s difficult situation.
Also, for some, being responsible is similar to feeling guilty. This conditioning is also very deep-rooted for some. Whenever something goes wrong and you are asked to take responsibility of it, the consequent feeling is to feel guilty about it. This feeling of guilt paralyzes you from positively looking at the situation and learning from it. It also triggers feeling of despair and hopelessness.
The quick fix to avoid this series of depressive feelings is to find faults outside you for ongoing situation. You feel safe when you do that but you also stay stuck in your current life patterns. Breaking them and growing from that position needs courage to take responsibility without feeling guilty and being accountable without getting over-critical with yourself.
What to do?
For some of us who are conditioned to feel guilty for the things not working in your favor have difficulty coming out of Blaming Trap. Yet this can be done.
You are required to understand that you have the power with you that can heal any wound and help you achieve what you really want. But, for this thing to happen, the primary requirement is not to give this power away to someone or something outside you.
No feeling can persist with you if you learn to be with it for sometime without evaluating it. See that feeling guilty is a conditioned way to respond to the current situation. Be aware that blaming is giving the power with you to someone else or something outside you. Just let the feeling of guilt pass while you remain with the awareness that if you don’t react to this situation, slowly the power with you shall take charge of it. You will then be shown the ways to be responsible and accountable without feeling of guilt and over-criticism of your self. For you then, the habit of blaming starts losing its influence. The more you practice this way of responding, the habitual response of blaming does not trigger.
Mastering the way out of this Blaming Trap is one of your milestones in creating a resourceful life. You then use your power to see what can be done to improve your situation. You then will have insights whether to gracefully accept the situation and learn from it or work to influence it to turn it in your favor.
Avoid Blaming Others and also Yourself, instead learn to be Responsible and Accountable. Do not give the Power away.
It’s the beginning of New You!
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Becoming Responsible and Accountable for things happening in my life
Changing one’s habitual way of living becomes tough if your Mind resists the change too much. You may have willingness to change, but the Mind may not support you easily in the process.
I have seen this pattern with my clients and also with me at times. We (to be specific, our Mind) seek permanence. We are used to the way we live (even though the current way of living is not supporting us). Changing it may not be comfortable for our mind. We may go blank during this time! We feel that our mind is jammed. Some may feel extremely tired even though they have not done any major physical or mental work. You may not get any new ideas or may not understand what is going on with and around you.
This feeling state prevents you from progressing in the right direction. You may be attempting to act against your habitual way of acting, but the mind may not go with you. It will go blank and you may feel alienated for sometime.
Reasons for Going Blank
When you want to make progress in the direction of your goal, you are required to make lots of changes with your mind. You need to learn new way of looking at life and also behving in a new way to create the results you want. As told before, the mind seeks for permanence. Remaining in the known is easier than changing for the good.
When you encounter that you are required to do lots of things in a small span of time or with limited external resources at hand, you tend to go blank sometimes. Your mind knows that it is difficult to get things done in this situation, so accepting the fact and asking for help may be a wise move in this situation, but instead mind may go blank!
Anticipating something bad to happen
You may have time when the future looks blurry or scary at times. The appropriate move would be to take a step back and look for the action steps you can take in the present. Instead, you may find your mind going blank.
Anxiety to perform in front of a group of people
Speaking in front of a group of people is a common anxiety provoking situation for many. People tend to freeze rather than express and mind goes blank here too.
Lack of sleep
When the body and mind do not get adequate rest by lack of sleep, the efficiency with which they support us in our journey goes down. Going blank in this situation is the way of our mind and body to tell us to take rest and give time for them to regain their efficiency.
Shocked by a traumatic event
When exposed to any life-threating event, for sometime mind can not comprehend the further steps to be taken. It also cannot make sense of why such a thing could ever happen to you. This makes us go blank!
Feeling extremely happy!
When we are exposed to such an event which is beyond our wild imagination, we may not initially believe that it could happen to us. Have you had this any time? Share if any.
For some, this (going blank) is the number one reason why they don’t make enough progress in creating a resourceful life. Even though they are motivated and want to live life to their full potential, their Minds play tricks with them. It stops supporting. This blocks the process of learning to overcome difficult emotional events or creating the change you want.
It is also believed that changing from one state of being to an another requires lots of resources of your Mind. So, if it is occupied with some other stuff, it won’t respond but will go blank.
This pattern discourages many. They start believing in that they can not change as their attempts don’t turn into their desired outcomes.
This pattern can be unlearned. Yes, it is possible. You don’t need to surrender to this pattern that resists the change.
I have personally found following measures very useful to overcome this pattern.
Stop thinking about your future for a time being
Yes, this is true. When we go blank, the usual tendency for most of us is to worry about our future. We tend to think that our future is going to be blurry as we cannot make any progress in the future because of going blank. This is the time when we actually need to stop focusing on future for a time being.
Shift the focus onto the environment around you
Taking conscious note of your environment helps in this situation. It has helped me getting myself back whenever I consciously focus on various sensory inputs from surrounding. I take notes of colors of walls and various objects, pay attention to sound and voices around me, feel the air that I breath in, focus on the touch and pressure sensation in my back etc. This helps in stopping my critical mind to analyse further and be in the present moment experience of the environment around me.
Do not attempt to strategize in this state of yourself
Getting your mind to decide for strategic action steps increases the problem. It needs more resources and when the mind is already going blank, it is difficult to get more resources to allocate for strategizing.
Follow your intuition
Connecting with your soul or spirit helps in this state. Do not force the conscious mind to work hard, instead just let the higher source provide you the guidance in the form of intuitions. I have observed that when I set an intention to receive intuitive guidance in this state of my mind, slowly I feel that I am getting myself back. The guidance that I receive helps me deciding my future course of actions.
Listen to good audios (instrumental music, self-help CDs)
Listening to music helps as it changes your vibrational state. Confusion decreases and clarity appears. Let your breathing clear the tension out of your mind and body while you are listening to a good piece of music. It helps you connect with the Source and you will be provided with new insights.
Do not force your mind to pay attention to every thought you think, instead just let them pass
Just let them go. Usual tendency is to catch the thoughts for we don’t miss anything that can solve the issue. But, this will increase the current problem. Take note of the thoughts, but don’t get attached with them. As the birds don’t leave any impression in the sky, your thoughts would come and go; they won’t leave any impression in your mind.
Go for a walk or exercise
The simplest and effective way to get the clarity back is to go for a walk or do some exercise. As your body moves, it clears your mind too. Energy returns, you feel more alive and your Mind starts functioning back to its full efficiency. Yes, this is really easy, but very few of us do that. We wait for the right mood for walking and exercise to appear before we act. Acting in spite of you not feeling good will soon make you feel good.
I am sure theses thoughts and experiences of mine have helped you find some insights for your journey called LIFE. Do share your experiences and let others learn from you too. You can give your comments below this post and you can also share this article easily by using ‘Share/Bookmark This Post’ link.
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Creating a Resourceful Life