Let me begin by asking you few questions. Pay attention to what your heart says about them. Be honest and then explore further.
Are you trapped in the Blaming Habit?
How do you react when things don’t go in the way you want them to?
Do you take responsibility and be accountable for your action steps?
What do you do when someone finds a fault with you?
What reasons do you have for your life not going in the way you want it to?
You may know that you are not living your full potential!
Life does not always go as we want it to. We all know that. You may not always be happy with the events and circumstances of your life. You may sometimes feel that you are not living your full potential.
You realize that you can express yourself in a more creative way but are not doing so. You know that the life you desire is not what you are currently living. You know you are capable of more but not taking that self of yours out.
It is very easy to blame others
For many, during this time, blaming others and their life circumstances for not having the type life they want is a habitual response.
It may be very explicit for some and they talk about people, circumstances and events obstructing their creative expressions. They have identifiable targets for blaming.
For others, it may be an internal way of pacifying one’s own self. They don’t explicitly blame others but have learned to find reasons outside of their control to be the cause of their life’s challenges.
Blaming is easier than being responsible and accountable.
Blaming is giving away your power
When we blame others for things not working in our life, we give power to the people and circumstances outside us. We affirm to ourselves that our life is governed by other people’s actions and circumstances outside us. We give The Power away.
We have a choice
I agree that the things happening outside our own selves do have some influence on us. They do affect our thinking, feelings and actions. But, we have a choice here. We can choose to continue with the same pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving or we can break the pattern as soon as we realize and then choose the path we really want to walk on.
It’s a habitual response and helps temporarily!
Blaming is a habit. It temporarily takes the burden off of difficult emotions. But, this is only temporary! We feel better when we don’t feel responsible and accountable for things not working in our life. In the long run, this habit prevents you from creating the change you desire. You get involved in the same old way of living life and don’t see the changes required on your part to live your life to your full potential.
Why do you do that?
Being around people who have this habit can make you learn similar ways of responding to life’s difficult situation.
Also, for some, being responsible is similar to feeling guilty. This conditioning is also very deep-rooted for some. Whenever something goes wrong and you are asked to take responsibility of it, the consequent feeling is to feel guilty about it. This feeling of guilt paralyzes you from positively looking at the situation and learning from it. It also triggers feeling of despair and hopelessness.
The quick fix to avoid this series of depressive feelings is to find faults outside you for ongoing situation. You feel safe when you do that but you also stay stuck in your current life patterns. Breaking them and growing from that position needs courage to take responsibility without feeling guilty and being accountable without getting over-critical with yourself.
What to do?
For some of us who are conditioned to feel guilty for the things not working in your favor have difficulty coming out of Blaming Trap. Yet this can be done.
You are required to understand that you have the power with you that can heal any wound and help you achieve what you really want. But, for this thing to happen, the primary requirement is not to give this power away to someone or something outside you.
No feeling can persist with you if you learn to be with it for sometime without evaluating it. See that feeling guilty is a conditioned way to respond to the current situation. Be aware that blaming is giving the power with you to someone else or something outside you. Just let the feeling of guilt pass while you remain with the awareness that if you don’t react to this situation, slowly the power with you shall take charge of it. You will then be shown the ways to be responsible and accountable without feeling of guilt and over-criticism of your self. For you then, the habit of blaming starts losing its influence. The more you practice this way of responding, the habitual response of blaming does not trigger.
Mastering the way out of this Blaming Trap is one of your milestones in creating a resourceful life. You then use your power to see what can be done to improve your situation. You then will have insights whether to gracefully accept the situation and learn from it or work to influence it to turn it in your favor.
Avoid Blaming Others and also Yourself, instead learn to be Responsible and Accountable. Do not give the Power away.
It’s the beginning of New You!
Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Becoming Responsible and Accountable for things happening in my life