Recently I was called by one of my parents clients and asked for an appointment. We had met around one and half year ago for their little cute daughter (around 6 years old) who could not effectively handle separation when she was sent to her school. Parents were explained and then she could manage to get adjusted with her school environment.

Now as she moved from a pre-school into her school years, the issue has once again re-surfaced. This time the severity is perceived to be more than the last time, as the school authority had called her parents and informed that she kept on crying and remembering her mother in the school. She would become alright after coming back home and would remain happy until night before going to bed when she would once again start having anxiety and would cry and ask her parents not to send her school.

Another kid that I had an opportunity to help him in the similar situation used to vomit in the school when he cried at his peak.

In my personal experience, when my son Aaryan had joined his pre-school, he also experienced separation anxiety which was more than average.

Most of us as parents know that these experiences are time-limiting and would go away as a child would continue to go to school. Yet getting overwhelmed, frustrated and tired is also a common occurrence. We are not taught to handle such situations. We may unknowingly make mistakes if if we don’t know what is appropriate for both of us (children and parents).

When you see your child crying to his or her peak, tears following on cheeks and tightly clinging to you, things become difficult to handle. The kid is really scared in this situation. Parents are perplexed and confused what to do. You may not let him separate from you for a day or two, but when you see that it is the pattern that is getting established, you worry how to fix it. You start doubting whether what you are doing is appropriate or not.

Few years back, I had prepared a small report (compilation of my understanding, suggestions and a support hand-out) that I would give to my clients for their reference. Some parents have found it to be very useful. It’s short and simple. Not at all detailed. Not at all technical. But quite useful as people have told me.

I want to share it with you too. You can download it and share with your friends and family. There is no opt-in required. You can post it wherever you feel that it will be helpful. Also your feedback is as always appreciated.

The final message in the report is worth mentioning here:

“Parenting is a skill to be developed, not a knowledge to be gathered!”

To Your Resourceful Life and Happy Parenthood,
Dr. Sudeep Shroff

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2. Pareto’s Principle: 80/20 applied to Parenting
3. Resourceful Life – Made Easier For You!

There are many ways by which this phenomenon is explained by different schools of psychology.

Have you heard of having a Real Energy Field around you?

We all carry with ourselves our own unique Energy Field. This field reflects what’s going on inside us. Our thought content, thinking patterns and emotional state contribute in creating this energy field. This field not only affects the way we relate with the world around us and our body, it affects the actual world and people around us!

Initially, this concept did not resonate well with me. Thinking from the Newtonian Mechanics Perspective, I found this concept to be very non-scientific and irrational! Now I believe that it is the most scientific thing we can talk about.

If you have even the little bit of understanding of Quantum Mechanics (Yes, I am not the master of it and will never be. Currently I am scratching just the surface of it), you will agree with me that at the core, we are all energy beings. And if this is understood by you, then buying into the concept that the frequency at which you vibrate can surely affect the world and people around you, won’t be that difficult.

I am talking about these concepts here in this blog post, because I have realized that harnessing these concepts can help us a lot in living a resourceful life. Like many psychotherapeutic concepts, using the understanding of Energy Psychology is essential for creating the life of our desires.

My understanding in this area started improving since I came across an Energy Psychiatrist- Judith Orloff, MD. I don’t remember at present how I got involved in this area, but let me tell you that in the beginning when I was not ready to accept these ideas, the talks of Judith Orloff did not make much sense to me (as I said in my previous post for Caroline Myss). I might have come across her talks many times before and ignored and continued to work and live based on my traditional psychiatric training. But as soon as I became ready to take a leap in my personal development journey, all her concepts started making the perfect sense for me to fill the gaps in mylearning.

I have started learning that how I unknowingly absorb the energy of other people and get stuck. I have understood that I have been taking in the energy of other people without my conscious awareness, and this pattern of mine kept me feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

The people we come across in our life carry with them their own energy fields. Unknowingly they have learned to vibrate at particular frequency and remain dependent on other people’s energy field too, to feed their own energy needs. There is no fault of anyone in most of the encounters (as the process may be quite unconscious), but if you are not aware about this process going on between you and other people, you cannot take good care of your emotional self. Unknowingly you get trapped, feel exhausted and overwhelmed and do not find any clue for how this must be happening.

The other side of the story is that you also affect the energy field of the people around you. And if you are not aware about this fact, unknowingly you may also be taking advantage of other people’s energy, and affecting them negatively even if you don’t want to do that. And these people include your loved ones, friends, co-workers and anyone else with whom you come in contact in your daily life.

The more I learn about these concepts, the better I am becoming at dealing with people around me. I have now learned to be conscious of what I am absorbing, and also what I am emitting. I take care of myself and also of people around me.

I have learned to move away from the situation ,when I realize that my energy patterns are not resourceful and may impact negatively to my loved ones and other people around. I am also learning to connect with the people whose energy patterns can nurture me and help me grow.

This understanding has helped me even protect myself from getting lost. This is because now I can perceive when I am getting trapped in the energy patterns of others.

Hope this shall help you too.

Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Conscious About My Energy Field

(This post contains affiliate link/s. Read more inside disclosure.)

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1. Are You Ready To Embrace The Shift In Your Awareness?
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3. What Do I Know About Newtonian Mechanics Vs Quantum Mechanics Perspectives?

I remember that day very well

It was Tuesday afternoon. I was in my consulting room and  noticed that an appointment was booked for a little girl of 10 years old. I finished my regular mail checking and other administrative work in my office before she arrived for her consultation.

A little girl with her uncle

She was brought to me by her uncle as she was remaining sad and not communicating enough with her family members. She spent time alone and would talk only when it was extremely necessary for getting some work done. Her uncle also told me that she would gaze out of her bedroom’s window for a long. Sometimes she would cry for a long and was difficult to help at that time.

She wasn’t always like that. She had witnessed her parents dying in a vehicular accident. They were returning back home from a holiday break and met with an accident. She was the only survivor of that incidence.

Face to face with her

When her uncle told me about this event, I started having uneasiness and discomfort myself. I took deep breaths and then asked her uncle to gently bring her inside for a talk. Something I felt was not usual for me. I realized that I was getting trapped and carried away by uncomfortable feelings.

I remembered the almighty and initiated a talk with her.

It was quite expected that she did not readily open up and share her feelings. She responded to my general questions with minimum of words. I think she might also have noticed that I was uncomfortable and feeling choked at times.

I gathered courage, thought about my role to play there and started becoming more comfortable slowly thereafter.

I told her about my kid. I talked with her how much I love my kid, and also expressed to her that I was eager to know her more and befriend with her. I talked about my hobbies and asked if she could share any of them with me.

I talked about her school, neighborhood, friends and television. I noticed that she was gradually feeling comfortable in talking with me, and I also felt that I was gaining myself back in control.

Bringing the trauma on board

With being extremely gentle and curious to know how she would react, I brought in the topic of her traumatic experience. I was surprised to see that she could then easily talk about how everything happened. I felt more confidence by thinking that I had made a good rapport and provided her the space to open up.

A big question

Suddenly she interrupted herself and looked into my eyes and told me, “Can I ask you a question, doctor?” Not prepared for her sudden shift from expressing her experience to looking for an answer, I fumbled. Gaining control back I said, “Why not! Sure.”

She threw one of the biggest questions we all encounter at times in our lives. She asked,

“Why has God done this to me? What is my fault?”

I soon realized that her little mind was not  able to comprehend why the almighty would bring such an experience into her life. She was also upset wondering whether she had done anything wrong that made God to punish her.

This happens with many

I come across many (including myself sometimes) wondering and complaining why God has done something bad to them. The argument that goes on inside people’s head at that time is generally looking for what wrong they might have done that has brought negative or traumatic life event into their experiences. However, this time the question of that little girl got hooked inside my head. I started wondering too, why God would do that to such a cute, innocent little girl.

How can I help her?

How can I help her find meaning in her experience?

How can I help her build a perspective that heals her?

These thoughts ran through my mind. Once again discomfort was setting inside me. I could perceive a knot in my stomach and dryness in my mouth.

Insight was provided

I consider myself very much blessed as I was provided with the insight to share with her, at a crucial time, that helped her find the meaning she was looking for.

I told her that we all come here (in this world) to learn lessons. We are provided with carious circumstances to deal with so that we can learn what we are supposed to learn. Sometimes the events are very painful for us to live with. This pain takes us on a path of blaming, feeling victimized and/or guilty. These feelings stop us from getting the right message hidden behind the event.

I talked with gently and said, “You were supposed to learn to grow and live alone. God does not punish anyone (yes, this is my fundamental belief that I shared with her). God provides opportunities in the form of difficulties to learn from.”

I also helped her see that she was lucky to have uncle and aunt who were very much understanding and supportive. God also provides us with support system to take hold on during our difficult time. The almighty waits patiently till we find the needed support and the meaning behind our difficulties. Our job is to thank him, learn and grow.

I am thankful to her

I did not think whether what I was telling her would help her understand her situation. I just spoke. It came very naturally to me. I felt better and realized that I also needed this understanding for making sense of certain experiences of my life. I expressed whatever came to my mind with the intention to help her see the reality clearly and also maintain faith in the almighty.

I perceived that she felt better. She cried and regained herself back in few minutes. Her uncle was called inside. She hugged him. She then smiled and expressed the need to go home and connect with her close friend. We departed.

Now when I recollect that day, I consider myself fortunate. I look at the event with a realization that it occurred because both of us had to learn something out of it. The insight was delivered by me but was awakened by her.

God bless her.

Dr. Sudeep Shroff
Sharing insights and awareness

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photo credit: h.koppdelaney

At first, it appears that what is the need to do so?

Le me explain to you by making my point clear.

I am talking about those people who are close to you, you see them in pain, you understand that thery are trapped in the pattern of destructive habits and are not aware about the same.

Some questions can arise at this moment…

How can you say that your conclusion is accurate that the person needs help? How can You say that you can help him or her?

Is there really a need to do so or let them find their own way?

Are you talking about advising those who do not want to take your advice?

I am talking about those people

who are independent in taking life’s most decisions and so are not used to take your help.

who believe that taking help is a weakness and so are not open to come out with their problems and continue to spend their lives in suffering and denying.

You want to help them because you love them! You are concerned about their pain and want to provide relief.

Yes, there is no intention to get name, fame or any benefit by helping them. You just want to help them because their benefit is your pleasure!

It may sound like I am talking about some unrealistic life situations.

Let’s look at some of them-

Consider a situation, where a father wants to help his son who is on a destructive path of addiction, but not ready to take any help from him.

I ask you to consider a relationship, where one person really cares and wants the other person to be happy, but the other one is stubbornly independent or does not accept the way the help is offered.

Think about the one, who has made up his mind to leave this world as he sees his life as hopeless and wortheless, and believes that no one can help him; and you know for sure that it is not true!

How can we handle this?

You need to reclaim the fact that -the Power is with You! I am asking you to consider the options that you can choose from, where the actions are in your control.

Prayer

Prayer has a power to offer insights and awareness not only for those who do prayers, but also for those for whom it is done. Praying with pure intentions to offer helpful insights and guidance to those who really need (in your opinion of course) is the action that is in your control. The other person can not deny your prayer. He may not find it intruding as it is done by you, away from him.

Showing care without intruding

Tell words with congruent feelings inside your heart that you care. Sometimes our anxiety about other person’s life situation is reflected back to him in our non-verbal expressions. This message conveyed make the other person more defensive and doubt our ability to help him or her.

Approach the other person with openess

It is required in this situation that you appraoch the other person with openness and listen to his or her undnderstanding of the problem-reasons, justifications, even blames and plans to manage. You may not find them useful or valid, but I think it is necessary in the begining for you to empathize with his or her current life situation, uncondionally.

I am sure that no one likes to stay with pain. The problem is their denial and non-readiness to gracefully accept the help offered. This defence can be handled effectively only if  the person’s life-situation is validated to a some extent to generate faith and trust in you.

Set an intention that the other perosn is managing his life effectively

Although this is very simple, sometimes it is difficult for us to set such an intention, as it is difficult for some of us to accept logically that the person whom we are trying to help can actually solve the problem by himself. But with some efforts you can visulize the person getting things done by himself.

Do you want that the other person should follow what you say and solve the issue he is struggling with only in a way you suggest to him?

I think if it is true for you, then you need to work with yourself first before going to offer help.

Make yourself availabe when he needs you

Interact with the person and talk about things other than his problem. Create a feeling inside him that you are available whenever he wants to ventilate his emotions or to share his issues.

In conclusion,

It is easy to leave the issue and not to bother when the other person is not ready to accept help from you. Yet, in life, you sometimes get into the phase where you can not bear the pain of others! Hope that resonates with some of you. This is the time when you need to  do something for things to move in a positive direction. I hope that this post can give some insights into that.

In creating a Resourceful Life,
Dr. Sudeep Shroff

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